The Age of Magical Overthinking
*from Amanda Montell
I think because we’ve come so far technologically in the past 100 years, we think that everything is knowable. But that’s both arrogant and so fucking boring. ~ Jessica Grose
The most basic activism we can have in our lives is to live consciously in a nation living in fantasies. ~ Bell Hooks
Recently I was rejected by a romantic suitor because I am vaccinated. And because I don’t believe fervently enough in the potential existence of sasquatches. After one date he believed that we are incompatible even though, quote, ‘I am a great catch, and I am beautiful inside and out’. Ironically, one of the first things he said to me is that he is open-minded.
For years now, I have been dancing this line between magical thinking and realistic thinking. I think I am pretty adept at living in both worlds, and relating to people who inhabit both worlds. This puts me in a unique position. To be able to see circumstances from multiple perspectives, without judgement. I have a solid, finely-tuned bullshit detector, having partaken in more than one cult, religious belief system, and robust new age phase. And, after all that, I am still sympathetic to magical thinking. And, I simultaneously see its drawbacks. I am still a mystic, and always will be. My path is spiritual, and it changes shape and form, with each new growth spurt.
One of the most profound teachings from my Art Therapy training is the use of ‘Yes, and’ instead of ‘but’. Conspiracy theories abound, and they are harmful. Yes. And, the people who are believing them are scared and have overloaded nervous systems, just like me. Magical thinking, ‘manifestation’, ‘the law of attraction’, etc. have blind spots and, in my opinion, thrive in a place of privilege. Yes, and - each of us are longing for an explanation for our suffering, for a way out, for a light at the end of the tunnel. We are humans. We make mistakes. We misinterpret, we appropriate, we go too far, we miss the boat. We learn. We grow, we get stuck. What is needed always, is compassion, not judgement.
I am reading Bell Hook’s “Communion: The Female search for Love” where she discusses the female search for love in mid-life. Love after the feminist movement(s). Love that moves away from the patriarchal paradigm of love/domination. Love that is empowered, a woman’s choice. And of course, this is landing well in me. Often, I’ve felt shame around longing for love. Yes, I long to be in a loving, committed partnership. I’ve made many attempts. The culture tells me that I’m a failure because of these “failed” attempts. And, I am a woman in mid-life. I am shedding my snake skin and feeling more self-actualized and powerful than I ever have before. Is this not a beautiful place to find love from? A meeting of two equal souls?
“Women around us talked about the prime of their life as though it was indeed the promised land. Like beautiful snakes, they were going to reach their prime, boldly shed their skin, and acquire another - this one more powerful and beautiful than all the rest. Something in them was going to be resurrected. They were going to be born again and have another chance.”
Ironic, that mid-life is also a chance to be ‘born again’. Been there, done that. But I did that within the context of a patriarchal religion. I did that without choice. I now have choice and autonomy. Choice is safety, choice is freedom. And I am entering my mid-life, my continued search for love, empowered with choice. And that makes all the difference.
Not everything is knowable. The mystery of love will never be knowable.